hip(pie) hop-inspired

Last weekend, I went to the wedding of an old friend. He was the first person to be friendly to me at a new school in the 8th grade. In high school he shunned drugs & alcohol for skateboarding & playing acid jazz. I once offered to carry his baby (long story, not exactly what it seems.) Now, among other things, he's a sweet, stoned dj influenced in equal parts by Wu Tang Clan and Bob Marley. His wedding was beautiful and drunk and I danced my feet off. But I can't help but come up with a few "always a bridesmaid" tips:

1. If you want to acknowledge "The Four Directions" in your ceremony, make sure the officiant knows where to turn to face each one.
1a. I prefer a ceremony where the bride and groom have not seen each other since getting gussied up. My sentimental side likes to see the groom's face when he sees his bride looking so gorgeous.

2. An onion stuffed with rice is not a sufficient vegetarian substitute for chicken.

3. If possible, do the toasts while everyone is sitting at dinner. Once they're standing in the reception hall they're too drunk and antsy to dance to listen.

4. A big fireplace with a pile of pillows for the kids to fall asleep on is the cutest.