exaggeration

Sometimes I feel like I'll be single f-o-r-e-v-e-r.

The bad news is no one will get to enjoy me as a partner.*

The good news is I will be able to be there for my friends in ways the marrieds and parents can't.**








* I would be a great partner.
** I can take care of your house / pets, watch your kids, talk on the phone at all hours, take you out and get you drunk, etc...

couldn't have said it better myself

molls entertains me via her tumblr, twitter (@molls) and podcast.

she's years younger than me but, clearly, much wiser:

"figured something out

Here’s something obvious:

If you’re ever talking to a male or a female and they start up on some, “I don’t know why you like me, you’re too attractive/cool/funny/whatever for me” shit, they mean it and they’re doing you a favor.

If someone tells you they’re a loser, they’re not lying. Only a loser would feel the need to point out that they’re a loser. No one acts humble when they want to win.

So if someone says that to you, disassociate yourself from them yesterday. No time to build with small people."

then there's this

The good news is, I, my best friend and my roommate meet most of these criteria. So, boyfriend, schmoyfriend.

actually, this might be my dream man

a fail to kiss is a fail to cope

If you date people who don't totally have their sh*t together it might make you feel good about yourself. But, eventually, it will make them feel bad about themselves. And then they won't want to date you.

This is especially annoying because having your sh*t together is supposed to make you more dateable.

delusions

In the last week I have come up with every excuse outlined in that stupid book, He's Just Not That Into You. I haven't read it but I still know it's the story of my current life:

He's afraid of how much he likes me.
He's taking time to get himself together so he can be "worthy" of me.
His phone is dead. He's out of cellphone range.
He's really busy.
He's gonna surprise me.

WHATEVER.

He's just not that into me. And, truth be told, until he stopped communicating with me, I wasn't that into him either.

On the other hand, I *am* that into these dudes. They are helping me keep what's left of my sanity.

the truth hurts

RT @molls

I just realized that for the price of a wedding, you can have Aerosmith come play a private show for you. So, ill be seeing you, Joe Perry.

flattery

Compare me to this bombshell



and send me texts that say, "...you KNOW that i think YOU are a STONE FOX!" and just see where it gets you.

blast from the past

I just watched some of "Boomerang" for the first time since 1992. I still like the part where Halle Berry says, "Love should've brought your ass home last night" and pokes Eddie Murphy in the forehead.

yeah, duh.

maybe you're just plain dumb

"Why Don't You Love Me" - Beyoncé from Beyoncé on Vimeo.

turns out this is my dream man

I honestly don't know if that's a good or a bad thing.

birthday wishes do come true

It only fits on my left, ring finger. Maybe I should just go ahead and marry the one who gave it to me.

self-fulfilling prophecy

When you say, "Don't like me, okay? 'Cause I'll just make you sad."

You just did.